Nixon Critiques the Debate

The Nixon Post-Debate Phone Call

"Let's stay on topic. This proliferation of candidacies sows the seeds for the eventual nominee's failure. Whomever emerges, unless they absorb all of Trump's support, will have less than half the base voting for them in primaries. Compare 2012 and today with 1980, 1988 or even 2000. Having so many candidates hurts party unity and November turnout. It's all of the same donors and virtually all of the same policies. They just shifted dollars from Cruz's SuperPAC to Carly Fiorina's. It is all a game like market testing. Have you seen her talk?"

"Botoxed to Buddhist serenity. I still don't quite like your Warren talk now compared to earlier this year. She's white. She's also kind of transracial and phony like Rachel Dolezal. Have you seen these black lives matter activisits harass Sanders? He's old school socialist. This is why I don't see them holding it together long once the bills come due. Social Security's bankruptcy was moved up to 2033 now!"

"It is glorious. Absolutely beautiful to watch that cocksucker who worked with those agitators get shouted down by their descendants. Freedom Rider gets shouted at by blacks who think Freedom Rider is a rapper. He is actually getting the treatment he felt was righteous when directed at good ol' Southern boys. Communist. Some animals eat their young for they know how truly horrible is their being. I wouldn't want to live in an Eastern city when the dollar collapses."

"Dark, Nixon. I think there's something afoot. This could be an opportunity for massive realignment."